Has it really been two years since I blogged about Lucky, the magazine I love and love to hate? Apparently. But I'm back and this time...with photos! Ooooh-la-la.
Each month Lucky includes a sheet of stickers that say "maybe" and "yes". Handy, I know. But they should REALLY include some other stickers with sayings like "No!" "Oh, hell no!" and "Well, maybe if I was going incognito to a keg party down at the river so nobody would recognize me later because you know I love jello shots" because there's plenty to roll your eyes at typically.
Another thing about Lucky you should know, if you're new to the magazine, is that the ads are more important than the editorial content. The Editor's Picks can sometimes be ridiculous. And by ridiculous, I mean F'UGLY.
Okay, enough yammering. On to this month's offerings...
MEH. First thing to catch my eye is the multi-page ad by Gap. I don't really think these people thought this through. I mean, everyone loves Gap, but these denim pieces are nothing special. And denim mixed with denim rarely works...unless you have an entourage of makeup artists and lighting people with you at all times. It's just overload. The most eye-catching things in these ads are the shoes, and I'm pretty certain Gap doesn't even sell those.
MAYBE! Nine West sandals (sorry the pic is so small) are cute this year. Nothing crazy adorable, but I'd buy those. Unless they had cuter ones for $9 at Payless. And they might.
HOLD ON THERE, ANNIE OAKLEY! Check out the Guess ad. Those boots remind me of the band KISS. And why's she standing all bow-legged like that anyway? Not the kind of outfit one would pick for squat thrusting.
THAT'S TOO DIKEY! That's what I said when I saw the Ralph Lauren white ensemble. They needed to spice this outfit up with a cute bag, dark sunglasses, a better pose and...boobs or something.
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? What's up with the girl in the Calvin Klein ad? Is it badly Photoshoped? Why does it look like she has no ass? I'm confused. Plus, the outfit isn't even cute, so YOU'RE WASTING MY TIME, people! Try harder! Bring Brooke Shields back if you must, Calvin. Wait, was that Calvin Klein or Jordache? I dunno. Either way, this deformed model must go.
NICE! I admit, it's a bit old-fashioned, but I love this blouse and jacket combination. I'm a girl who loves romantic, frilly shirts. The shoes are great, too. Nice job, Piperlime.com. I was on their website and found a cute shirt I'm going to share later.
OH NO SHE DIDN'T! Kate Moss looks like she was poured into this outfit! I would love to look like Kate Moss, but even girls with amazing bodies need proper-fitting clothes.
REALLY? Sephora, who are these people wearing tiaras as a fashion statement? Please, tell me. So I can laugh and point at them. Apparently "famed jewelry designer" Tarina Tarantino is designing tiaras (say that three times) for Sephora "exclusively." Is that because nobody else needed someone to design tiaras? I'm thinkin' so. By the way, how embarrassing is it when another girl shows up at the party wearing the same tiara as you? Oh wait, I forgot...that NEVER HAPPENS!
ZzzzZzzzzzZ Kenneth Cole, wake me up when summer is over because I'm tired of looking at the overabundance of white shirt/white pants ads. Am I the only one not wearing all white? It's so dull in most cases. I mean, I've seen some white ensembles that knocked my socks off, but not in this issue.)
"VIRTUALLY" USELESS! Check out the Virtual Shopping list created by Elise Loehnen. Who would want any of these things? Virtually no one.
I THOUGHT THIS WAS GOING TO BE A YES At first glance, I liked this bikini by Anthropologie (one of my favorite stores ever). But once I went to the Anthropologie website to check it out, I was disappointed. Not fond of the panel on the bikini bottom. Reminds me of maternity bikinis.
TEQUILA! Aren't these the shoes that Pee Wee Herman wore when he danced to Tequila? I think so. Apparently these are items that might have been worn by Lauren Hutton circa 1979, according to the editor. Who the hell is Lauren Hutton? Can't we concentrate on our own decade? Don't get me wrong...these pieces COULD be cute if mixed with some sexier pieces. It's just all a little too butch for me otherwise.
COME ON, FEEL THE NOISE! For some reason when I look at the shirts on P. 73, all I can think of is Quiet Riot. Remember those guys? They would have loved these shirts. Or dresses. Whatever. Dresses are being worn as shirts now, right? Anyway, I dunno. These might be cute had I not seen them altogether on one page. Overwhelming.
WORTH CHECKING OUT: In StyleSpy, they mention a new "little sister" jewelry line called W 10th. Here's the link: covetnyc.com . Not quite sure what makes it a "little sister" line. I guess because the jewelry is a little more affordable? (You know what little mulah we second-borns make in comparison to our older siblings!). Or maybe little sisters are just too cheap to buy the real thing? I dunno what they're insinuating, but I like the rings in the magazine and I AM a little sister, so I guess they've figured me out!
JUST BECAUSE IT'S "RETRO" DOESN'T MEAN IT'S GOOD. There are a lot of things from decades past that I think we should leave behind, like New Coke, boys with long hair and perms, tuberculosis and Leif Garrett. I'm also not wild about this boxy jacket and A-line dress available at Saks. At first glance, it's not so bad. It's yellow. I love yellow. But there's nothing figure-flattering about this outfit. That could be Spongebob Squarepants' sister underneath there, for all we know!
DITTO on this Kate Spade outfit. Now, as a layout artist, I must admit that this is a nice ad. So colorful and creative. But that jacket is not flattering on anyone.
DAMNIT, EXPRESS, I STILL LOVE/HATE YOU! When I was a teen, I always wanted to buy clothes at Express. There was no store near me and my baby-fat ass wouldn't fit into anything they made, but still...I LONGED to go there. Express just knows what is cool. And while this ad and the clothes therein aren't anything spectacular, it's just COOL! I wanna BE those girls in their worn-out denim shirts and bikini tops. I mean, who wouldn't wanna be a hot, 17-year-old girl hangin' out on the beach? It just works, and it proves that it's not so much about the clothes as it is about the girls you put in the clothes. So, take that, Photoshoped girl without an ass!
FIRE THE EDITOR, ALREADY! Why does Lucky put a million things all alike on one page when they know the patterns are too overwhelming to be appreciated when viewed together? Pick one piece and pair it with a coordinating piece. Is that so hard? Dayum.
OH! YES! Check this out! It reminds me of the dress Marilyn Monroe wore in that famous photograph. And it's at Target! Hm. Cute shoes, too, if you can make them out (blurry pic)!
THIS IS HOW YOU DO IT, GAP! Nothing fabulous about these clothes, but I bet this ad is going to get more attention than Gap's.
I DON'T THINK SO. "How Vintage Are You?" asks Fossil in this new ad. Vintage? Is that what this is? Cuz to me it looks like someone fishing old curtains out of a trash can in Old Mexico and paired it with a boys' T-shirt. When was that look popular?
DIFFERENT BUT CUTE! Check out this crazy combination that actually looks quite cute. I think maybe the shoes were taking it a little too far, but I like the weird vest with the toned-down skirt and blouse. Weird can be good...in small doses.
STRIKE! YOU'RE OUT! This is not okay. Is that a moo-moo?
A WEEK OF OUTFITS. Every month Lucky takes X number of pieces of the "The Closet" and creates a month's worth of outfits using the those pieces. But they sure picked a lotta ugly pieces this month, yielding very few cute outfits for the month.
ARE THOSE SHOULDER PADS?!?! Add shoulder pads to that list of things we should leave behind in another decade. I am getting frustrated with the editors at Lucky. I think that skirt is cute (and maybe the skirt although it's hard to tell) but I definitely don't like that jacket. What is "punky" about that jacket anyway? Do you even know what punk is? It's not about bedazzled jackets you'd see on a effing cruise ship, for Christ's sake.
EW. Look at these pants. I don't think they are flannel, but they look it. That whole outfit is whack. She has nice hair though.
LAST BUT NOT LEAST...NO. Back page hosts an array of strange offerings, including this watch that the author says is "an exact replica of the one my grandpa used to wear." I think her fond memories are fogging up her fashion focus. Since when do you count on your grandpa for fashion tips. I mean, really people.
Peace out! Hopefully next month, my photos will be a little better.
